The Boss

The Boss

A fair way to describe my boss is "lunchbox engineer." For those not familiar with that particular expression, it basically comes down to Dilbert minus the pocket protector. He is everything you would expect an engineer to be. Kind of nerdy. Kind of dorky. Not fashionable and really in to pipe sizing, designing water treatment plants and basketball. The boss is married to a wonderful woman and has two great daughters. He is very dedicated to his family, to his career and to implementing projects that improve the world. So why is he a gay hero?

I have worked for this company for about 4 years and while I am not closeted at work, I don't hang a rainbow flag in my office either. I am sure many people at the office don't know I am gay, which is fine as it is not something that affects my job. Except when it does. As a consultant I do work for a wide variety of clients. Many of them are from conservative parts of the state and make no secret of their love of Jesus and of a "traditional" definition of marriage.

During the No on 8 campaign I ran phone banks, marched in the street and gave media interviews. Now, given some of my clients lack of gay friendliness, there was a risk they would see me on the news and choose to withdraw their projects from the company. Once the interviews were given, I had a choice. Stay silent and hope for the best, or resign. I chose to resign.

After a lunchtime event that included an interview in front of a camera with my partner at the time, I called the boss into my office. I shut the door and asked him what he knew about Proposition 8. He replied simply "I know I am voting no on 8." With some relief I told him that I was involved in the campaign and that I had given an interview in support of No on 8. With my partner. We had never previously discussed my personal life or anything personal really. But suddenly in an instant he knew I was gay and had potentially exposed the company to some risk. I offered to resign rather than have the company lose any business. That is when the conversation got really interesting.

As we talked I told him that I did not think it was fair for the company to lose contracts because I had chosen to step into the public eye. I told him I suspected some of our clients would not want to work with someone who is gay. I told him he had my resignation if he wanted it. He replied that there were more clients than I suspected that would not be comfortable with the gay thing. He then said if there was a client that had a problem with me being gay then it was a client we did not need to have.

It was certainly not the response I expected to hear. I totally expected to have to start packing up my desk.

From that point on the boss and I have had a great relationship. I can share with him how hard it is sometimes to fake my way through conversations with clients about picking up women. Or fake my way through actually picking up women with clients. When I broke up with my partner I was able to talk to him about how I needed to take some time off to refocus and talk to a therapist. I can even drop the occasional joke about being gay and we can both share a laugh. We have even engaged in the occasional "is he or isn't he" gossip about clients and staff. In short, he creates a safe space where I can be myself in a world where I often have to keep the real me under wraps.

So that is why the boss is a gay hero.